Your old titles mean nothing here, Captain...

Here is the background you need to know in order to enjoy this story: Budget Naginata has a student loan. When we were married, it was in default. We busted our hump to get it out. At the top of the year, it moved out of default into a regular account. We were happy. The loan is for 5,000,000 Quatloos (this is a fictious sum using the method of currency favored by Star Trek's Gamesters of Triskelion - Making bad Star Trek references will be the only real fun I will have during this story).

So here is the horrible followup to this wonderful story of personal financial accomplishment.

This morning, the polite representative from the Politely Invasive Collection Agency (not their real name) calls Naginata at home. They claim that we have defaulted on our loan and we are in collections again. She freaks a bit, gets a number and calls me. I reassure her that we've been paying every month, on time, to keep ourselves in the black. I tell her, correctly so, that I've been making sure they take my hard earned Quatloos by check every month. I get her to give me the collection agency information so that I can call them back and square this all up.

I call back the collections agent and speak with them for a bit. They insist they have heard from the Department of Education (sadly the real agency and not a ficticious one) and that the request is accurate. They give me a number to call and I do. Sure enough, it's the DoE Default Group. I talk to one of their representatives and over the course of the next twenty or so minutes try to understand exactly what she is telling me. I'll see if I can make it more clear than was presented to me. All Stardates and Quatloo amounts are fictional. The pain is real:

SD 4285.6: A new year! We finish our rehabilitation with the PICA. We are told we can be moved into a normal loan repayment account.

SD 4377.2: We file our Federal Tax Return with the IRS. Our expected refund is 25,000 Quatloos.

SD 4412.7: The Federal Government witholds our tax refund, telling us we are in default with our student loan and the refund will be applied to the loan.

SD 4599.3: Unbeknownst to us, the Government gives the PICA our 25,000 Quatloos. Our new balance, before the rollover from our rehab account is now 4,975,000 Quatloos.

SD 4621.6: We file an Injured Spouse claim, saying that the Government is flat out wrong and we do deserve our 25,000 Quatloos.

SD 4745.9: The old defaulted loan with the PICA is closed and a new loan is begun for our remaining 4,975,000 Quatloos with the Happy Friendly School Loan People (HFSLP). We don't immediately notice anything because we have been told some of our "penalty fees" will be forgiven at the end of our rehabilitaion. Since this seems pretty close to what we owe, we are grateful and begin paying on our new plan to the HFSLP

SD 4882.0: The Federal Goverment decides to honor our Injured Spouse claim and give us our 25,000 Quatloos. In fact, what they have actually done is recall the deposit they made on our behalf and then cut us a check. Why is this important? Because this was money owed to the PICA. We have just shafted them 25,000 Quatloos. They reopen our account.

SD 4923.3: We blissfully continue to pay HFSLP our Quatloos for the remainder of the 4,975,000 that we owe, not realizing that we actually still owe another 25,000 to the PICA, because our "refund" has robbed the PICA to pay us. This can't go on our current HFSLP loan because the HFSLP were never short any money. As far as they are concerned, we're all paid up.

SD now-ish: The PICA calls us because we've defaulted on money we legitimately owe them. They claim we have been notified by mail, but neither Naginata or I recall anything from them regarding the outstanding 25,000 Quatloos. It wouldn't have mattered much anyway, because we don't have 25,000 Quatloos just lying around. By Spock! We're not the Providers. We're not made of Quatloos, people!

So now we are in default for 25,000 Quatloos. Had the Injured Spouse paperwork gone through before the transfer from PICA to HFSLP, none of this would have happened. Had we not filed the Injured Spouse report and let the Government keep our money, none of this would have happened. As it stands, we had to start yet another rehab program (Rehab 2: Electric Boogaloo, the Wrath of Loan) with them. This adds yet another monthly payment to our large stack of monthly payments. We are doing all this to be good and pay off our debts and hopefully improve and simplify our lives at the end of it all. Right now it just feels as if we're taking it up the photon torpedo tube. And it hurts.

On the positive side, the representative at PICA was exceptionally nice and allowed us to do this, even though he was under no obligation to do so. He could have just held us up for the full amount. But since we were happily paying off a whole bunch more already and it was obvious that this was all just a matter of bad timing, he gave us a minimum payment amount for the next nine months (I can't easily convert that into starmonths or whatever the hell they use). At that point, it should roll over to join our close to 5 million Quatloo motherload loan. At least, that is the best they can tell us.

Man is that confusing. Honestly, Tribbles make more sense than this crazy mess. I think I'd rather wear be wearing a Collar of Obedience and fighting gladatorial games against the Game Thralls rather than dealing with all of this. I would also be content had I been away filming The Green Berets like George Takei.

Damn Lucky Sulu.

Ronin Holiday*

So we left off with me going to give blood. Ok, well that was an interesting little fiasco all on its own, but I was able to drop off a good pint for a good cause, which is the most important thing. That night, I took my coupon for free ice cream to the local grocery store and picked up a pint of chocolate. The cashier was nice enough to donate the .06 cents for sales tax that I naively didn't anticipate. She had good spirits about the exchange, so I thanked her and went home to split my spoils with the lovely Budget Naginata.

A couple of days later, my paycheck clears, so we're off to the grocery store. Naginata is prepping for a crafts class she'll be teaching all week long, so we get good stuff for her lunch and prep for my week managing our Budget Edamame. It will be Father and Daughter against the world, kind of like Lone Wolf and Cub, except with less ninjas (which is a real shame, if you ask me).

$2 Kids Toothpaste
$5 Peppers
$3 Corn
$7 Granola Bars (x4)
$6 French Bread Pizzas (x2)
$3 Instant Grits
$2 Bananas
$2 Crumbles (vegitarian ground meat replacement)
$2 Nectarines
$7 Cucumbers, Tomatoes, Carrots, Mushrooms
$5 Boca Burgers
$4 Cheese
$3 Sausage
$6 Porkchops
$8 Beer
$2 Watermelon
$8 Milk (x2)
$7 Cat Litter (x2)
$7 Coke (x2)
$1 Charity Donation
Total $90

We also topped off the gas tank to make sure we could get around that week.
$17 gas

So Monday rolls around and due to inclimate weather, we spend time around the house playing and watching movies. It's a lot of fun and fairly relaxing. We decided to grill out that night, but we ran out of propane.

$15 propane

Tuesday finds us at the zoo. Naginata has, much earlier in the year, purchased season passes, so the only outlay on my part is $3 on a joint carousel/train ride that is in the kids' section of the zoo. She loves it and after seeing it, I'm glad it only cost $3, because there is like no way I'm not going to be able to leave with my sanity if she can't have at least one ride. We pick up Naginata from work and start all over again the next day.

Wednesday we had planned to have a "playdate" with some of Edamame's friends, but it did not happen. I ended up having my father, Papa Ronin, come over and help me plan out a small project that would involve me crawling underneath my house a lot. Papa Ronin rolls over in his big truck, talks way too much, and succumbs to the charms of his granddaughter, taking us both to get nuggets of chik, from the local Chik-fil-A. The rest of the afternoon was general playtime. That night, Naginata brought home some fresh herbs that someone had gifted her for her craft class. She made some delicious pesto with it, but we had to pick up some pasta at the store.

$1.5 Eggs
$5.5 Family Sized Tortillini
$1 Garlic
Total $8

The garlic was for the pesto. The eggs were not for the pesto, we were just out of eggs.

Thursday was similar to Wednesday, but we had planned to see Edamame's other grandfather at the beginning of the week, so we killed some time at a park in the morning, ate one more free lunch and had a general good time of it. We picked up Naginata from work and called it a day.
Friday was spent much in the same way as Monday, though not because of the weather. Edamame and I walked around the neighborhood a bit, but generally bummed around and played. Naginata and I spent most of the time prepping ourselves for a long Saturday.

Saturday I spent most of the day with Papa Ronin under my house. We were stringing, restringing and moving cables in order to reorganize our house. The work was successful, but all parts of me were sore, and there was no part left unworked. Naginata spent the day out with Edamame and my mother, Mama Ronin. So over the course of the day, we got a free puppet show for the kid, some free handiwork for me and all for the low, low cost of being reminded that we don't do things like they do and are generally less successful than them in pretty much every aspect. Yes, I have a small "thing" with my parents, but "no" it doesn't really belong here, so I'll drop it.

Sunday was a day of rest, as ordained by me, the spiritual head of the household. I have a certificate to prove it.

Whew. Long vacation recap. I'm posting this now, because my return to work has been crazy busy and other financial news has had us scrambling since then. I'll post about that shortly.
So, to recap: Yay for time off with my wonderful wife and daughter. Boo for still having crazy finances and debt (yes, this wasn't likely to change over the course of a week, I just thought I throw it in there). Ok. That's all I have for now.

*Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn were not harmed during the writing of this post.

Visiting Margaritaville

I'm the thick of a few projects, which is good, because I like working, but bad, because I also like being lazy.

I bought $20 worth of gas for the Budget-Truck on Saturday because I had to haul a new sofa.  New to us only, it was generously donated by a relative who has been redecorating.

From another family member, recently returned from a jaunt to Mexico, we recieved a gift of Tequila, so the Budget Clan decided on making delicious margaritas.  A quick trip to the store netted me:

$2 Chips

$7 Margarita mix

$1 Limes

It was like a party in my house for $10.  Can't beat that.

Later this week there is a Blood Drive at work.  I would have signed up anyway, but the sponsors of the drive are giving away a gift certificate for a pint of Haagen Daaz icecream for a donation.  Also, since I'm going at lunch, a local sandwich vendor is giving away free box lunches.  Double score!  All for doing a good deed.  I don't know if that's considered instant Karma, but a penny-pinching ronin is certainly glad for any break he can catch.

I'm putting what's left of the Hot Tub back up for sale.  I'm bummed about the blown pump, and the interested buyer who seemed good to take it off of our hands but backed out at the last minute.  I've decided to relist it and see what we can get for it, regardless.  Any money is better than no money and the reduced clutter would be welcome.

I'm just glad there is tequila and margarita mix to spare.

Six-week-a-versary

Tomorrow, June 6th, marks the close of the 6th real-time week of the Mayday Financial Challenge. Since I actually started a few days over a full year, we still have those few extra days before we can say only 46 weeks left. Even still, this is still just the beginning. It's been rough getting this all started. You can pump up your enthusiasm easily for a week or so, but when you have things like birthdays and graduations get in the way, the temptation to drop some dollars is very tantalizing. At the end of last week, Naginata and I attended a birthday party for a friend of ours. He's into music and computer games, like us, and it would have been easy to give him something from either of those catagories for a gift. But I took a cue from my partner in life and took the extra time out to put together a piece of art for him, instead.

Well, it's not as noble as it originally sounds. I promised him and some of our gaming buddies to do a round of character portraits way back at christmas, so this has been a long time coming. However, I'm looking at it positively, trying to draw inspiration from my efforts. [1] I did finish it on time and gift it. [2] It was well recieved and personal in a way that a CD or game can only hope to be. [3] It was rewarding for me to work on some art and complete a section of my long-overdue xmas* project.

A lot of this challenge already parallels this story. We don't have any extra money, still, so we're going to have to be creative and think outside of our normal methods of solving our problems in order to be satisfied. To be honest, this is the second time (the tail-light being the first) since the challenge started that some effort and creative thinking has given me more satisfaction than simply spending money ever could have.

I put $35.87 worth of gas in the Budget-mobile this morning. I am now taunting Naginata for not posting her expendatures.


*whenever I write christmas as xmas, I always think the x stands for EXTREME! Extrememas just has such a clever ring to it. When I say it out loud it sounds like EXTREME ASS, which makes me laugh with juvenile glee.